I went back to North Carolina for a week and a half over the holidays. Oh god it felt so good to be back in NC! I do love that place. The drive there was good; 7.5 hrs from Auburn to Raleigh is fantastic time. In that week and a half, I spent time in fully five cities, visiting family and friends. After how depressed I was feeling about work, it was really a huge lift. I felt relaxed, and loved. One of Angiashears's friends had a great term for it: growing your soul back.

I feel lame mentioning gifts, but they were exciting, so I will. My folks got me my very own paper cutter (FUCKING SWEET!!!), a wok and some chinese/japanese cookbooks (*droolz*), a bunch of highly useful tools, a bunch of printing paper and some great music. Ooooh man, I needed the exuberance of Stevie Wonder's greatest hits back in my life :)

Speaking of the wok, I cooked up some sesame tofu the other night, but it didn't come out that great, partly because of the recipe. It *does* taste good, but it's basically just tofu, veggies and noodles stir-fried in sesame oil; it wasn't the stuff you get at a chinese place, drowning in that gooey glaze.

Now, let me talk about beer for a second. Yes, that's right, beer. No... it needs more emphasis. BEER. As I've mentioned, Alabama's beer selection SUUUUCKS. You can't get anything in sizes larger than 16oz, or anything above 6% alc/vol. Moreover though, I think people down here just don't have a sophisticated palate for beer. You can get a handful of good ones, but none that really shine. So, before I returned, I took a trip to Total Wine with Devinsoundholestar and purchased 80 fucking dollars worth of beer. Seem excessive? That'll last me probably two months. I picked a few bottles of things I'd never tried before, but by and large I got beers I knew to be fantastic, and beers by breweries I respected. Some highlights include: Bell's Two Hearted Ale, Smithwicks's, Wychwood's Hobgoblin and Fiddler's Elbow, Framboise Lambic, Aventinus, Fuller's London Porter, Taddy Porter (OH FUCK YES), Bridgeport's Black Strap Stout and IPA, Highland's Oatmeal Porter and Kashmir IPA, and three of Mendocino's Hawk-named ales. I am--quite literally--salivating just thinking about these delicious libations.

I spent New Years with my dear GSO and Charlotte friends in two parts :) I spent New Years Eve with Devin, Dirk, SJshinychocoholic, and Devin's sister at the Green Burro. Heh, I kissed Devin's sister, which I'm pretty sure weirded her out, alas. The following night I spent in Charlotte with Joshjoshtothemax, Lauraalethalruby, 'Nessa, 'Manderpurple_fridge, Glenndepressedba, and Count Rossulahellblazer99. Drinks were had, games were played, innuendos were innuendoed, and it was so great to be there :)

Some pictures, for your enjoyment:

Phew... there is much much more I'd like to post, but it is getting late, and I must be up early, so for now good night, dear friends!

-P.

I keep forgetting that I *do* actually have things to post about.

I'm getting exposed to so much new music down here! We have a big stereo in the print shop, with a big rack of CDs. I've been closing my eyes and picking CDs at random, just to keep trying new things. I've found some good stuff! Bands I'd heard of but never heard, like Modest Mouse, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Bad Religion, etc. And others I'd never heard of: the Bluerunners, Junior Brown, Nick Lowe (Faithless Lover OMG!!!!) etc.

I want to discuss one band in particular though: Southern Culture on the Skids. Holy CRAAAAAP!!! These guys are AMAZING!!! I'd heard of them years ago, but never heard them. SCOTS is a tremendously talented country rock group that absolutely blows me away. Their music simultaneously celebrates and pokes fun at what goes on down here in the south, and I absolutely love it!

Now, there's a particular reason I'm bringing them up. About two weeks ago, I finally did my first bit of solo t-shirt printing. What was the job you might ask? I printed t-shirts for Southern Culture on the Skids' fall tour. Let me emphasize that: I printed t-shirts for SOUTHERN CULTURE ON THE SKIDS!!!!! Hahahahahahaha, how badass is that!!!??

I absolutely love the fact that myself, people I know, and random strangers will go to their shows this fall and buy something that I handled, and printed. It's just such an amazing connection. If you click here and look for the 'Fidelity Stereo' t-shirt, that's the one I printed.



I've got a ton more to say about music; it's been on my mind a lot lately, but.... I think I might save it for another post. I've had a great weekend. Friday night I went to a party at this girl Jessica's house. Pretty good time although it was 90% under-21yo theatre majors. Second party I've been to at her house, and it's been fun both times. Saturday went to the gym, and finished cutting another stone (pictures soon). Played the bass a bunch.

Today I went on a 12 mile bike ride with my friend Susan. Possibly the longest ride I've ever taken on a bike. I've been going to the gym regularly for about two weeks now and I think that might be the only reason I was able to make it. Yay for endurance! We rode from her house down to the Saugahatchee (sp?) river, and had lunch out on some rocks. Then we rode back to her place and sprawled out on the couches in her sun room, drinking water, an Anchor Porter beer and napping on and off with her three adorable miniature doxons. Didn't really expect to spend all day together, but it was a great day :) Feels good to be getting out, and getting in better shape :)

More later,
-P.

Ganked from takhisis



-P.

PS - Grad announcements are done, soon to be mailed out. Also, I have a throat infection. OW.

So, in order.

Happy (late) Birthday, Jennpac! Many years of printmaking goodness to you!

So, the post I made earlier? Yeah. So, I can't have water in my room anymore unless I'm drinking it at that moment. My cat, Nehai, always tries to drink out of whatever beverage I have. Lately he's been more insistent about it; if he can't reach his head far enough into my glass to get the liquid, he'll end up knocking it over. He did so this morning, when I had about half an inch of water left in my cup. Half an inch is an important figure here, because that's exactly how much actual keyspace of my keyboard was exposed from its sliding drawer position, and which the spilled water immediately flowed into. *sigh*. I dried as much as I could, and thought things were fine, but then the keyboard started acting up. Seriously. I wish Heather had posted the conversation we had this morning, because I'm sure it would have been hillarious to see my typing get more screwed up and more illegible. Anyway, after drying for a few hours in the sun and a reboot, things seem to be ok. Oh Nehai, one day you're going to make the most comfortable pair of slippers I've ever owned. You're lucky you're so cute. *pets*

Happy early birthday to Lisamy_treehouse!!! Many years of plushie plundering!!!! (don't kill me)

Speaking of April birthdays. My 24th is friday!!! Holy crap, I'm officially in my mid-twenties. And what have I done with my life? Made a linocut of a dildo. Anyway, so, my folks are coming up tomorrow, which will be awesome. I have not seen them in much too long. There may be a trip to see the premier of Grindhouse tomorrow night or friday? If you want to go, let me know. Also, there's an all night life drawing event at Guilford college starting at 6pm running through 6am that I'm going to go to for at least part of (not sure what part). If you want to go to that, let me know. Um.... so yeah, my birthday is friday and other than the life drawing thing, got no plans, so if you want to do anything, just give me a holler. I'm thinking something out, and about, maybe outside, etc, would be awesome :)

Then Saturday night is ROMP!!! The fabled party event I missed last year, but will not be missing this year, graaaaaawwwww!!!!

Hm. In shittier news, despite the senior show being over, I'm finding that I'm still dealing with some pretty serious anxiety--with accompanying shallow breathing--and I'm not sure what's going on. It sucks. I also need to start taking better care of my health. Hopefully that will help.

In better news, I'm about about to eat really fucking yummy arroz y habichuelas.

Later.
-P.

I spent a few hours in the studio this afternoon helping Anna do some viscosity prints off a pair of her plates I thought would suit the process. Yes, I realize that sounded dirty. But only our hands got dirty. With ink. Moving on. It was fun to work with her on the project, and by doing it with her a few times I got to explore a lot of variables in the process.

Some of what we learned:
- quality brayers are a MUST!!!
- make sure your soft brayer is SUPER squishy
- burnt plate oil works better than litho varnish.
- viscosity printing is AWESOME.

Helping Anna make these prints felt really productive to me, and I don't think anything I'd done of my own in that time would have felt as productive. This is an important point. At this point in my education, I'm putting so much pressure on myself to stick to the same concept in my work that image-making isn't fun anymore. Getting to work with Anna, on her plates, and really experimenting with the process to create new/different images was a total blast. It's the most fun I've had in that studio in a while.

I think it's time to stop thinking about concept and just be free to make images in experimental ways. Abandoning the idea I've been working so hard on seems... like a disappointment? To myself? To my professors? But I need to find the freedom I used to have, so that making images is fun for me again. And... I'm not sure exactly how to let go of that attachment, but I'll figure it out. My dad sent me some suggestions, and I'm going to take them. I think I'm going to bring relief printing back into the mix, too.

Anyway. Positivity:
I have an awesome social life now. Seriously, I'm booked up every night from now through saturday. It feels good to know that my time and my presence is desired :)

Bed now. Yoga in the morning.
-P.

So, it snowed this morning, about an inch or two. I feel it needs to be pointed out that it was 70 fucking degrees two. days. ago. Oh North Carolina weather, you are so manic.

I'm dong yoga about once a week, thinking about maybe stepping it up to twice a week. Oh man it really hit the spot yesterday morning. I felt awesome all day. Not going to the gym as often as I should, but once a week is better than nothing.

I finally got started screenprinting this week. So far, I think I like it. It's... different. The results I've gotten thus far have been pretty shitty, but I'm not really disheartened; I wanna figure it out. So far I've done two colour layers of a three colour print using stencils, and I think they're part of the problem. For the last layer, I think I'm going to do the screen fill method and see if that gives me better results. I wanna burn some marker drawings into the screens later on, too. Thankfully we've got that exposure unit now. Pictures in a few days.

It's been nearly two months now and I'm still LOVING living here :) Angie is t3h bestest roomie EVAR! Seriously, how often do two people with identical life-styles end up living together? It's just a really awesome situation.

Anyway, Imma go eat some soup and go to class. Later!
-P.

w00t!!!! Spring semester starts today! I'm stoked!!!! I get to be in the print studio today, YAAAAAAY!

Happy First Day of Class!!!!

( To do list. For me. Ignore. )

Now to make use of my iTunes gift certificate I got for xmas so I've got some new tunes to rock me in the studio :)

Night!
-P.

Hmph. I've been feeling frustrated with myself lately. I have all these cool projects I wanted to tackle over the break and I haven't done any of them!!!! :(

The only productive things I've done since class ended are editioning my new plate (looks awesome!) and helping John Gall (we got the last 40 prints and all 200 packages made!!!).

( Crap. )

Anyway, I'm going home to Raleigh today to see the family and do the Christmas thing. I'll be back the 27th or the 28th. I may be throwing a new years party? Not sure yet. Will announce if that's the case.

Positivity: I forged a really good friendship this semester with my buddy Brittain. I gotta give that kid a call today.

Ooh yeah! Schoneck and I made tentative plans to go back to Puerto Rico in March, and maybe hang out in New York for a few days beforehand, too, since all flights have to PR pass through there anyway.

If I can afford it, I also intend to go to either the MAPC or Southern Graphics print conferences this spring :) w00t!!!!

-P.

Yoga was THE SHIT. Oh MAN that felt so good. Well, after the pain subsided, hehe. The specific class I went to was Yoga Stretch: yoga with poses geared to make you stretch out (painwise, more intensive than normal yoga as I'm led to believe). Oh man, when we were done though, I felt so calm and so limber; it was like my whole body was made of jelly. Even just walking was more enjoyable. Gotta go back and do it again :)

So, yeah, that date I went on a week or so ago and never posted about; it went pretty well, we had a lot of fun playing pool and hanging out. Felicia (la chica), came to the housewarming party this past weekend, but unfortunately I couldn't spend that much time with her... and she ended up hitting it off pretty well with one of Angie's friends. Heh, oops. Hate the game, I guess.

And now, I'm gonna sit and read, and drink some water, and go to bed. Tomorrow, helping John Gall out again :)

-P.

It's monday morning, still chilling in Raleigh, coming back this afternoon.

*mmmmmm* it has felt SOOOO good to be home. My mom reorganized my room a bit, and I like what she did with it. Been relaxing a lot. Mainly christmas shopping, watching discovery channel and reading. Last night my mom made a *really* effin' good dinner: pork chops with rice and black eyed peas (puerto rican style), with apple sauce and avocado on the side. Holy hell I haven't eaten that well in a while. In a little bit I'm gonna go have lunch with my dad, which will be awesome because I haven't seen him in too long, and I wanna talk art stuff with him.

Got a new cell phone last night. Since I'll likely be travelling more in the coming year or two (and because I'm using TXT messaging like a fiend), my mom switched me to a new plan, which came with a new phone. I got the LG 9900 enV. After $50 rebate, only $50. Sweeet! This thing is badass, man. Looks like a normal bar-phone on the outside, then flips up to reveal a huge hires screen flanked by speakers and full qwerty keyboard. It's got a 2MP camera, too. Lol, Angie described it is a geekgasm phone. And, she's completely right.

Moved into a new place where I feel comfortable, getting to see my family again, getting full nights of sleep, playing with my kitten all the time. This is what I needed. This is my reward for making it through that semester. And I'm feeling much, much better.

-P.

I'm very glad to report that my friend Josh is back home from the hospital and is going to be fine. He came down with a severe case of anemia due to an ulcer in his stomach bleeding profusely. Welcome home, bro. Feel better, quick, yeah?




In other good news the Democrats have won both the House of Representatives AND the Senate. SCOOOORE!! Let's hope that even if they can't make any genuine changes, that they can at least prevent any more damage. As for Rumsfeld resigning, I don't see any real improvement coming; whoever takes that position is still going to be a war-hawk. Getting rid of chlamydia and contracting gonorhea isn't really an improvement.


Anyway, I'm scanning a bunch of new print work to show you guys. It's mostly little one-off experimental plates, but still some cool stuff.

Take care,
-P.

I feel like things I need to think about are backing up in my head due to lack of time to process them, which is in turn stressing me out. I'm sitting with a cup of tea right now. I don't generally drink tea. I can't say I'm enjoying the taste, but the aroma and warmth are comforting.

This is a melange post.

Summerschool
I wrapped up summerschool last week. My Japanese final went fine, as I expected. My art history final, however, not so much; I've never been so certain before that I failed an exam. But, I still managed to pull a B+ in the class and an A in Japanese :) Go me :)


Harry Potter
In the last few months, I have become completely devoured by the Harry Potter series. O. M. F. G. These books are so fucking good. I actually feel a little bad for making so much fun of Vanessa and Brittany for their fandom. Granted, they took it a bit far, but I understand their enthusiasm now. And Brit? I don't think Snape's going to turn out to be a good guy. I think it's pretty clear that he's fully, truly evil. He's a wretch, and a coward. There is no light inside him.

I'm reading the very last pages of the 6th book right now. Oh god these last two chapters are making me cry like a baby. I knew what was coming, but it still didn't prepare me. *chokes up*

Speaking of fiction, I'm going to need something else to read whilst I await the 7th book, and I'd like to continue exploring the Fantasy genre. Thus far I've really enjoyed the Tolkien trilogy, The Belgariad and Mallorean series by David and Leigh Eddings, and Harry Potter. Please recommend other fantasy series for me to read!!! Thanks :)


Girlfriend
I can't believe I haven't mentioned this, but guess what? I've got a girlfriend. She's really great. She's brilliant, and we have a ton of fun together. And, her name is Elizabeth Williams. Yes, that is one and the same as the infamous Liz I dated a long time ago. I'm sure many of you will have... opinons about this. I would hope, however, that it will be enough for most of you that I am happy, and that you would trust my judgment in this matter. I came to this slowly, and on my own terms. It is not so much an old relationship being resumed, as it is the beginning of a new one.


Moving Out
I've decided I want to move out of the house on Springdale in august. I want a smaller place, preferably with only one, possibly two roommates. I've talked to my old roommate Daryn about getting a place and he's definitely interested. Does anyone know of any places NEAR THE SPRING GARDEN/TATE ST SIDE OF UNCG CAMPUS that are for rent? I'm paying $300 in rent right now--which I realize is fantastic--and I'm willing to go up to as much as $400, but I'd prefer not to go above that. 2 or 3 bedroom, house or apartment. I just want something close to campus with a calm environment that allows pets. Anyone know of anything available? Anyone looking for a roommate for the fall?



That's enough for this post. There is more to say, it will wait for later tonight or tomorrow.

-P.

A long talk and a hug, a cuddle with my kitten and a cup of yogurt later, I'm feeling much better. Exhausted, but better. Urgh. Still so much to do.

Anyway.

I'm taking Nehai to get neutered tomorrow. I feel really bad about this. It seems wrong to do; how can I take a drive away from him that's so important to me in my life. He's exclusively an indoor cat, so I'm not worried about him making little straybabies. I mainly don't want him spraying everywhere.

Sorry little guy. Daddy loves his kitty.

-P.

My critique this morning went fine. I showed my original drawing and all the new sketchbook work I'd done. Everyone really liked my comps. They seemed to agree with what I felt were weaknesses, though. Chris Thomas, the instructor, gave me some good feedback about the piece as a print. He felt that I "had an opportunity to really explore the layering of image over image" (or something like that). He thinks that I should be doing these characters* at stamps and toying with various compositions that way. I do like that idea, but not for this project. I want these characters to be in a tonally rendered scene.

I need... to rethink this project. I've been thinking that I may not want to use wood for this project after all. My characters are intended to be made of metal, rubber, plastic, smooth things, for which the rough texture of a woodcut wouldn't be entirely appropriate. Maybe I should try the stamping thing.

I guess that'll be my major project for this weekend; to decide what to do here.



Stress and War
I need to acknowledge something; yes I am under a lot of stress, but I put a lot of that stress on myself. I don't have to do almost twice the amount of work required for my etching class. I don't have to spend hours in the studio drawing. I don't have to print more than twice the amount of photos for my photography class. I want to be the best artist I can be. I want to learn as much as I possibly can. I want people to be wowed when they see my work. I want to be wowed when I see my work (I usually am, though).

I feel like there's a war going on inside me.

- I want to do funny, obscene art, because it makes me laugh. But then I feel like I can't/shouldn't, because people won't take me seriously, or might ostracize me. Another part of me wants to do 'serious,' beautiful art, that evokes more serene emotions.

- I feel like an idea should be fully worked out before a piece is begun. I feel like art should be completely intuitive. These are contradictory ideas and methods (to me).

I need to relax. I need to not be so attached to works being perfect. I hold myself to very high standards, which I think is good, but I can't always meet them, and that wears me down.


Senior Show
Neither of my pieces got into the senior show. I'm disappointed, but no biggie. I submitted my Self Portrait with Gouges print, and my Lady in Red charcoal drawing. I felt SPWG had a good chance of getting in, but I think I know why it didn't. It was almost all done with a single tool, and although the overall effect of the image is strong, the one kind of mark makes it not as visually interesting as something with more varied marks. I suspect if I'd submitted my christmas card, it might have gotten in. Oh well, it's really not a big deal, and I'll have another chance next year.



I know that was long and rambling. If you read it all, give yourself a pat on the back.

-P.


* - Yes, I realize none of you have seen this drawing and have any CLUE what I'm talking about. You will in good time.

I'm feeling really run down tonight. I feel tired, and... not quite emotionally sore, but I really feel the physical and mental affects of all the stress I've been under tonight. I... need more hugs. I need them in general, but especially now. They're like fuel. They'd help me keep going. I think the last one I got was probably when Amanda was here, if not then, then the last time I was home.

Anyway, to counteract this mopeyness, here are two very positive things :)

1) My hair is getting really long. It's now been a year and a month since I've had it cut. I've let it grow as it pleased without trying to interfere or shape it. For the last two weeks I've been wearing it up almost every day in a kind of half-bun (hey Carly, is there a name for that?). The front bits usually fall out after about 15 minutes and either hang by the side of my face, or I tuck them behind my ear. I'm happy with how it looks and feels. It makes me smile.

2) I've seldom if ever done anything big for spring break. I usually just end up farting around at home, which I'm fine with, but I've always dreamt of doing more. Well, this past weekend, one of the kids in my etching class invited me to go with him and a group of other art majors to Washington DC over spring break to spend a few days checking out the museums and having a good time. The trip isn't set in stone yet, but the fact that I was invited made me grin from ear to ear. I felt like a million bucks.

And with those thoughts happily in mind, I'm going to read some Harry Potter, and go to sleep.

Good night,
-P.

Oh, PS, I'm about 100 or so posts behind on reading my friends page. It's a never-ending battle. I just don't have as much time to read and comment as I'd like. So if you've posted something that's really important to you, or time sensitive, just drop me a line to let me know.

(More for me than for you, but whatever.)

Wednesday

• Call Dave about that drawing he wanted
• Transfer some Chedda
• Dermatology app
• DECORATE ROOMMATE'S STOCKING!!! And do that 'c' drawing.
• Harass Keith about the upcoming job
• Update files in portfolio

Thursday

• GO BUY CLOTHES FOR JOB INTERVIEW! (Cutting that a little close...)
• Job interview
• Finish carving this small print project.
• Spend the rest of the goddamn day in the print studio.
• Work on, if not finish, artist statement

-P.

Beer's hops seen to inhibit tumor growth

"Most beers made today are low on hops, however, and so don't contain much xanthohumol. But beers such as porter, stout and ales have much higher levels of the compound."

Hehe, I'm gonna be juuuuust fine ;)

-P.

What an interesting thing life is.

The last three years have been the most interesting of my entire twenty two, encompassing the best and worst times in my life.

The last month has been extremely hard on me for a number of reasons. I pray that things start getting better from here on. I'm petrified of taking any more hard emotional hits.

When I first joined livejournal, I was concerned that my LJ would become a place of negativity, where I whined and ranted constantly. To prevent this, I made a point of ending each entry with at least one acknowledgement of a positive thing going on in my life.

This is something I need to do again.

So, here is tonight's positive thought: I started working on the colouring for the next TSE strip tonight. I've only coloured one figure of one panel, but I'm already beaming at how good it looks. The colour palette I chose looks great; the light sources are VERY clearly defined and there's a very clear physicality about the figure. It looks really good, and I'm proud of it.

Good night,
-P.

In my recent post about Graduate School I mentioned not being sure I had the focus and time management skills necessary for success at the graduate level.

You know what? I'm not sure I have the fucking time management skills for success at anything.

So, I'm fucking doing something about it. I made a list of my present priorities (school work, finding a new job, the shallow end, CUSP, in that order) as well as a list of shit I need to get done for the first two items, and taped it to my fucking wall.

From 9:30-12, I closed my mail client, exited all my Firefox tabs and focused on doing reading for school and preparing for the two assignments due this week. It felt good. This is going to become a habit. Tomorrow I'll do it for two non-consecutive one hour blocks during the day, and probably a 3-4 hour block in the evening. My saturdays and sundays will consist of six hour blocks of school work until I'm caught up, followed by a minimum of 2-4 hours of comic/programming work.

I will master myself. I will do what I have to do to succeed. I will make myself into the best Person and the best Artist I can possibly be.

-P.

I am now the lead developer on the CUSP SourceForge project :)

Thanks for the feedback guys :) I think Pierre and I are going to do some KICK ASS stuff with this project, and I look forward to working with him :)

Also, the extreme emotional and educational stress I've been under for the last two weeks is now finally at a close. I'm finally feeling better, relaxed and my breathing is no longer short and laboured. For those of you new to my lj, this is the most depressing my LJ has ever been, so it's only up from here!

-P.